When I was first a mother, I thought I was too busy as a new mother to take time to do the things I wanted to do. “There will be time later”, I would say.
I was busy as a part-time computer scientist and mother of two. So I put off joining clubs in areas I was interested in, and only made time for mom-related activities. Well, I almost paid a huge price for not filling out my boxes.
What do I mean by filling out my boxes? There is a psychological theory that we all have components in our lives that we need to keep filled and in balance to stay healthy. For many people these boxes consist of work, family, community, and spiritual. A healthy balanced collection of boxes has things in every box.
Well my box didn’t look like that. My spouse and children meant everything to me and I rarely made time for the other parts of my life. The danger is that if something happens to this disproportionately large part of your life, you fall out of balance.
As fate would have it, I suffered a huge blow to this area of my life. I had to work full-time because of the unexpected changes in my life and could no longer be part of the school PTA or partake in my crafts projects. I was plunged into a severe depression trying to deal with the change in my family box.
Over the years, I have actively filled up my boxes so that I now have other parts of my life that support me in times of trouble. The biggest change I made was to join a strategy gaming club at work. This group meets several times a week during lunch and is open to all employees.
At first, I was scared to reach out to this new group. “I am not as smart or good at playing board games as they must be.” “I will make a fool out of myself.” But one day, I was afraid but found the courage to walk over to the meeting room and meekly ask to join in.
I found people just like me who enjoyed board games and were welcoming and accepting. They taught me how to play “Ticket to Ride” and I lost, of course. But I can’t imagine where I would be if I hadn’t taken that leap of faith and tried something new.
In addition to lunch meetings, club members frequently host parties in their homes with the whole family invited. My favorite activity now is to host game parties several times a year.
Gaming is a hobby that is wholesome and mentally stimulating. And even though I usually lose the board game, I am happy now and my boxes are back in balance.
I now have something to look forward to on those days when I have a mind-numbing software bug that I’ve spent hours fixing. I no longer have to spend my work days in isolation, bleakly looking forward to the weekend.
You see, I have found that when one of your smaller boxes comes back in balance, you want to add things to the other boxes of your life. You have energy to put in other activities. I started a local game group, began DMing, and started this website with the confidence I gained by balancing the areas of my life.
Examine your life and see if your boxes are in balance. Is the path of your life changing? Is there an unexpected move, layoff, or illness ahead? Are there natural but difficult changes on the road ahead? Are your children leaving for college? Life has a way of throwing challenges at us when we least expect it, throwing us out of balance. There may be an orc hiding behind that tree up ahead!
Starting or joining a game group or RPG campaign could help fill in your boxes and give you the resiliency you need in life. Have the courage to reach out today to the many others out there who are just like you. I am sure they will be as welcoming as my group was.
Bitzy the Bard
“Life is an adventure story and you are the star. Choose to play a hero!”
